Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
