who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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