well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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