I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
