I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
