3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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