Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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