you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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