My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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