I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
