When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
