seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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