I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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