how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
