first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
