Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
