I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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