he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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