She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
