I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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