I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
