I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
