if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
