Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
