She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
