you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
