In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Congratulations! We have a period
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
