He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
