Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
