she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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