my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
