god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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