thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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