I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
