If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
