it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
