No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Randomize
