He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize