I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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