her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize