I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
