man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
