Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
