no, he came in my armpit
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
