I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
