allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
