I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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