Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
