Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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