No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am one with the molecules
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The power of my boobs compel you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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