I cockslap morals
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
