I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize