i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
