We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
