Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
