we made out on top of his cat.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
