Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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