We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
