i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
