it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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