I'm lost and stupid without you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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