everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
