I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
