if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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