haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
