Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
