somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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